One stormy night
by TheUsagi1995
Summary: Set after season's 2 finale, but before season 3. When Sam has a nightmare, on a stormy night, Dean is there, by his side, ready to comfort him. But this nightmare makes the brothers reveal their hidden fillings for each other and this stormy night proves to be a turning point for them both... [Sam/Dean] Hurt/Scared Sam and Worried/Protective Dean More notes inside!Hope you enjoy!
1. In the dark of this night

A Supernatural fanfiction!

 **A/N: 1) This story is absolutely fictional! I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters, i am just borrowing them for my stories!**

 **2) Its set after the end of season 2 but before the first episode of season 3, so please be aware of this for spoilers up to season 2!**

 **3) In the story there are mentions of panic attack so be aware of it if it triggers you! (I have never had one, so all i know about it is from search on the internet! Please forgive any mistakes!)**

 **4) Be warned for some mentions of rape but nothing too graphic!**

 **5) I plan on making this story Wincest (Sam/Dean), but once again not to graphic! It will also have some drama but… Its just fiction!**

 **6) I hope you enjoy this story and please leave a commend before you click the "back" button!**

 **SO… Enough talk… Off we go!**

 **"One stormy night..."**

 **Part1 "In the dark of this night"**

The rain was falling viciously on the windows of the old, moldy motel and the cold wind which was blowing from the North was entering the rooms through the cracks on the doors and the windows… And damn, cracks existed in the boys room as well, making Sam shiver under the thin dirty sheets and Dean fill one more glass of whisky so as to feel hit spread inside him… Sleepless guard he was, sitting on the floor with his back on the wall, the glass of whisky in between his hands and eyes fixed on Sam, looking agonizingly for signs…The way his chest was rising and falling, the way slight shivers caused by the air entering the room, made him crawl into a ball, the way his hands were clutching onto the sheets, seeking warmth...All those signs, signs that his brother was alive, that his heart was beating steadily, that his breathing was even, seemed to calm the older hunter down a little bit. As lightning stroke, enlightening the room, Dean's green eyes mirrored in the whiskey, two bright green orbs drowning in the hot brown liquor. And inside them, those who knew him well could still see fear and pain. And now this very moment he could see it as well. Flashes of what had happened a couple weeks ago came to his mind.

( **A/N: Spoiler of Season 2 Episodes 21 &22 "All Hell breaks Loose Parts 1&2")**

Oh, how close had he got on loosing the only member of his family which actually loved him. Huh…Who was he kidding? He had arrived late. Sam had been stabbed right before his eyes and had died in his arms. It had always been his job to protect him, to keep him safe from all harm supernatural or not. Sam was his entire world…He felt proud of every small or big achievement Sam managed, as if it was his own. Every good grade, every 'excellent' on some test, made Dean so happy… But what always made him walk in the air was the fact that, after each and every good grade or praise Sam would throw himself in Dean's arms, as if there was no tomorrow…And soon, Dean's love for his brother became too much and took a different form. Sure, he loved him as a brother, but from the day Sam hit sixteen and Dean saw him getting out of the shower, covered in just a towel his feelings turned into something else… Something he couldn't bring himself to face, because he knew it was wrong to love your baby brother in a not-so-brothery-way…So he hid those feelings deep inside him, in a corner of his heart which was beating for Sam and Sam only. And managed to build a huge wall around them, to lock them away, suppress them. But the night he saw him dying, the wall cracked and those feelings came to the surface once again droving him mad… Because that very moment he realized that he wasn't just loosing his baby brother, but the person he loved the most, the person he was in love with. He was left alone, all alone, in a world full of monsters, demons, vampires and a tone of supernatural crap…And that he couldn't stand. So he did what he had to, what his heart and every sell of his body told him to do. He sold his soul to the crossroad Demon in order to bring his brother back, his Sammy back…Or as he saw it, a part of himself back, maybe most of it…

( **A/N: Spoiler of Season 2 Episodes 21 &22 ENDS! A/N**

He knew that Sam would be pissed, but he couldn't care less…The image of Sam, pale, with cloudy eyes slipping away from him, still hunted his mind, even though in these two weeks he would hug him almost every day, and would watch him sleep almost every night, staying awake until three in the morning… When his eyes would drift close he would sleep for a couple of hours and woke up with the first light of day.

As a thunder tore the sky in half, Dean got on his fit, wiped tears he didn't knew were there, with his fingers and finished his whisky. His heart wanted him to stay awake, but his body had other plans. This time, he couldn't ignore the need for sleep. He changed into more comfortable clothes and got ready to lie down when, suddenly, a whisper reached his ears. And, hell, he would have recognized it everywhere. It was the voice of his brother. Dean turned towards the nightstand and turned on the light to be able to see Sam's face better. And what he saw scared him to death. His brother's face, was wet form sweat and tears, his lips were ajar as though he wanted to scream but no sound seemed to be able to escape them. Dean swallowed hard and placed his hands on Sam's shoulders. "Sam, hey wake up kiddo." He said in a low voice, but Sam seemed lost in his dream. The dim light of the nightstand's lamb proved to be of little help, because Dean ended up using the lightning's illumination to see that the dirty motel sheets were wet with sweat and had been tangled- up to his brother's ankles. "Come on Sammy wake up for me will ya?" he tried again, shaking him harder than before. But this time Sam's hand grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and tried to push him away. "No… Don't please…Help…" Dean's heart broke as he heard his younger sibling technically begging for mercy and his 'big brother' instinct took over at the sound of Sam's pleadings. His need to protect his younger brother was burning him like fire, but he had learned the hard way that nightmares were something he couldn't protect him from. He cupped his neck with his hands feeling his brother's pulse under his fingers. His heart was beating like a drum. "Sammy, come on wake up for me, its just a dream, no one can hurt you." "No…NO! Help…Dean help me!" Dean's eyes went wide open, for he knew that, when Sam called for his help things were bad…Very bad. "Wake up, Sam!" At this command, hazel eyes snapped open and looked straight into green orbs, but saw nothing. Sam's breath was coming out in short, agonizing gasps and his whole body was shaking violently with sobs.

Dean swore under his breath as he recognized the sighs of a huge panic attack. He knew that it was rare for his brother to get one of those, in fact only once had he got one, when he thought that Dean had died on a hunt. From that one time though, Dean had learned that Sam could go completely out of control. Moving swiftly he got himself on the bed and behind his terrified, shaking and sobbing little brother, tossing the sheets on the floor, freeing Sam's long legs. He placed his right hand on Sam's chest, and with his left hand he held both of his brother's wrists, behind his back. "Sammy, Sammy come on calm down, its alright, you are ok, you're ok…" he whispered in his ear. But the sound of thunder swallowed the comforting words and made Sam struggle even harder. Using all his training as a hunter, Sam shifted in his brother's embrace and Dean could barely hold him down using all his skills and strength. "No, let me go, De…an, De… Don't let him do this…" Broken whispers escaped dry lips, as Sam desperately tried to escape his bonds, escape from nightmare which took place in a dark room, in a also stormy night, four and half years ago. A night which was the cause he left his home and fled to Stanford. "Sam, hey, hey, I'm right here, no matter who you think you're fighting his not here, his is not going to hurt you, cause I'm here, I'm here…" Dean reassured his sobbing brother, with trembling voice. His heart was beating as fast as Sam's, if not faster and his night shirt was now wet from his own sweat and Sam's tears. This time, his words seemed to reach Sam's fogged mind and he slowed down a little bit. Dean saw that and released his wrists, only to clutch the fingers of his, now free hand, with the ones of his brother. "De…an I am…" "Shh don't talk now just focus on calming down ok? I am right here Sammy, with you, come on breathe in and out, in and out." His voice trembled and Dean had to bite the bottom lip in order to keep the tears from falling.

"No…no, I'm- I can't breath I can't Dean…Dean." "Yes, Sam you can, its all in that big head of yours, you can breath, come on Sammy." The young man tried to follow his brother's instructions and push his memories back down, to cast them in the back of his mind but failed and felt the tightness on his chest becoming unbearable. "I should have…tried to… fight back…but…couldn't…Dean I'm sorry… I couldn't…I can't brea-" Sam's words made no sense to Dean right then, but he knew that he had to do something…and fast. "Sonofabich! Sam!" he cried out loud and thanked both the God and the Devil that they had been given the last room of the floor and that the motel was almost empty. He hated using this tone (get- your-fucking- ass- over- here- now!-tone) on Sam but he had no other choice. "I need you to listen to me now, and I mean really, listen to me. I don't know who or what you have been dreaming about, or what happened that you couldn't stop from happening but…" And at this point he felt Sam slowly coming back to him, so he once again softened his tone. "… No matter what it was, nobody will hurt you here, cause I won't let them pass the freaking door. And it doesn't matter that you couldn't stop it back then, whatever it was, what matters is that you are here now with me. And you have to calm down. Don't worry about the chick-flick rule, forget about it for now. All you have to worry about now is your breathing. Come on synchronize your breathing with mine, in… and out…in and out… in-"kiss on the neck "-and out, in-"kiss on his wet cheekbone "and out, in-"kiss on his shaking Adam's nipple "-and out…" Sam squeezed his brother's hand to the point Dean was sure that half of his bones were cracked but said nothing about it. He squeezed back, needing the contact as well, cause, hell, he was scared for Sam.

The younger boy slowly, so very slowly to Dean's eyes, started taking small breathes and his sobs died little by little. Yet, the middle Winchester kept saying "in and out" in between kisses, on Sam's cheek, on his nose, on the corner of his dried lips…

The corner of his…lips? This time Sam forgot to exhale and turned his face to meet Dean's. Hazel eyes met green orbs as lightning stroke and illuminated the room and as it seemed a hidden side of their relationship as well. "Sammy…breathe out for me." Dean said voice hoarse but lower than a whisper. His breath- a mix of whisky,cheap toothpaste, and something Sam could only identify as Dean- reached his nose. This smell clouded and awakened his mind at the same time. On the one hand, Sam's mind screamed at him that it had to be a foggy dream…Right? Dean couldn't feel this way for him, right? It was something Sam wished he would feel since the age of fifteen. He wanted to feel Dean's breath of his face, the taste of his lips on his own…And those two wishes had just came true…But, on the other hand, his mind screamed that, since this was happening right that second, it was true and according to any logical assumption, it meant that Dean wanted him, in a not-so-brotherly-way…And it was that assumption which finally, cleared up Sam's mind. Sam exhaled as Dean had instructed a few seconds earlier, and this time it was Dean who inhaled a mix of beer and 'Sam'. Right at that very moment, for an unknown reason Dean's body moved on its own, closing the distance between them, in a slow, gentle, almost tender kiss. And, he could go to hell if Fate wanted to, this was all or nothing. He could no longer fight it. Sam's hazel eyes went wide open and he was sure his heart missed a bit. Because this feeling was something he had never felt before. He knew that, this was so… 'chick-flick moment', but he didn't care. The way Dean's lips brushed over his own, ever so gently, ever so protectively, as if he was about to break into pieces…Made Sam's soul ache with love. Yet, he was taken aback by this sudden turning of events, so it took him a few seconds to understand he was completely still. It wasn't until he felt his brother was ready to pull away – probably thinking that Sam was freaked- that he pushed himself forward reconnecting their lips with a little bit more pressure this time. And this time, it was Dean who went completely still…

Sam pulled back seconds latter, gazing at his older brother with red rimmed eyes. "Dean, I'm so-" "Christo." Dean whispered, not knowing what else to say, because this couldn't be Sam. Yet, his eyes didn't turn black, they remained this beautiful, brown color. "Its me Dean." Sam said his lips turning into a weak smile. It took the older brother a few moments to suck these words in, but when he finally did, he cleared his throat and spoke in a low voice. "Ok… I guess we need to talk about what just happened…But before that…" and as his voice fainted he turned Sam around pining him down with his back on the bed. He got himself above him as well, placing his right hand on Sam's chest and his left hand on his own chest. "Dean what-" Dean saw the distress in his brother's eyes and was quick on calming him down, but he also took a mental note to ask Sam why was he so afraid and what his nightmare was about. "Shhh, hey calm down Sammy. Don't speak for a second, just breathe, take a few slow breaths for me." Sam relaxed and did as he was told, trying to understand what was happening. After a minute or so Dean got off the bed. "Thank God…" he whispered in such a low voice, that if Sam had breathed at that moment, he wouldn't have heard it. And then it hit him, Dean was checking his pulse. "I…I'm fine now… thank you for…" Sam said and also got up. "Yea… don't mention it. Listen Sam, about what we did…" Dean said, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. And hell, he needed to calm down in order to say what he was about to… He was about to speak of those emotions he held secret, burred in this small corner of his heart. The wall which concealed all those emotions now broke completely, shuttering like glass. And so he gave in, to the need and the urge of his heart, to speak the truth, to tell Sam how he really felt about him. And as all those emotions rose up to his chest, slowly, ever so slowly, Dean began to feel again and knew he was ready to let go of the past he could no longer change, the people he couldn't save, the things he hadn't done…All those things which hunted his mind and had been clunged to him for all those years like a sickness. He turned around, eyes locked with Sam's and started talking.

"I… know that what you always wanted was a normal life, at least as normal as our life can be. I know that, and for 3 years I've been saying it to my self… For the moment you hit sixteen to be honest. When I saw you get out of the shower in just a towel i…" Dean stopped for a second and turned around unable to face Sam any longer. After a moment he started talking again this time a little louder. "I lost it. I've always loved you, I know that I don't say this often, because I believe words mean nothing, but I really do." If Dean could see his brother's face right then, he would see hazel eyes widen and lips turning to a smile, a smile which had never appeared on his face before. "From the moment mum said she would bring home a baby, my baby brother, I've loved you. And when dad shoved you in my arms, the night yellow-eyes burned the house down, it was like…Me and you… Got connected somehow… And the way we grew up, with me actually been the one to raise you, my love for you became too much. And when you hit sixteen I started to notice that this love slowly turned into something more. In order to fight it, fight the urge to shove you on a bed and show you haw much I love you…I started going-" "-Out with every chick you could find…And started getting drunk…" Sam cut in speaking for the first time after a while. Dean made a sound similar to a laugh but the younger man was sure it wasn't one. "The funny thing was that, most of them had hazel eyes…I also started going on more dangerous hunts seeking a way to get you out of my head. Hunts seemed to work, at first." Dean said staring at the window. "But, latter on…it became harder and harder to focus on hunting because we had to leave you behind, dad said it was too risky for you to come. So…My mind was always on you and not on the crap we hunted. God knows how many times I thought I was about to die…Without letting you know how I felt. Every time we would return home from a hunt in which I had almost died I said to my self that, I would talk to you. Especially after that hunt in which dad left you with Sillas for a couple of weeks…I was on the edge, I wanted to speak to you so badly…But I never got the chance, you left us for Stanford three weeks latter."At these words, Deans voice, filled with bitterness, fainted, and his face darkened. "Dean…" Sam started, but Dean didn't let him continue. "But, it was better this way. You chased what you wanted, that little slice of normal, away from darkness, pain, grief…And away from all things supernatural. "Dean…" Sam tried again, louder this time, but his brother turned a deaf ear at him, because he knew that if he stopped at that point he wouldn't be able to start again. "And if you want to leave now, I won't say a word, I will not-" "I kissed you back for God's sake Dean! This is what I've been dreaming about for years! I don't want to leave you, I want to stay here, solve your deal, and then… I want you to kiss me."

"Come again?" was all Dean could say as he turned around and faced his brother. "I…want you to k-kiss me again…I mean if you want, if you liked…what we did bef-" At that point Sam blushed but hopped Dean didn't notice it. If he did, he said nothing. He moved closer to Sam and cupped his face in his hand. His eyes, filled with love and expectation, lost themselves in hazel ones, much like earlier, when Dean saw his eyes 'drawing' in the whisky. But this time it was different. Because, right then, he saw Sam's eyes shine with joy, his face blushing slightly… And he wanted to treasure this moment for he felt whole…Happy. So, for the second time that night, he closed the distance between them, ever so slowly, as though giving him the chance to step back, but when he didn't he shut him up, before he could finish the sentence he was saying. Their lips met, in a slow, gentle kiss, which soon turned into a hot one. Dean slowly licked Sam's lips moisturizing them, and asking permission to explore the inside of his mouth at the same time. Sam obeyed and felt Dean's hot tongue entering his mouth, exploring each and every corner, every inch. He got lost in the kiss, even though he wasn't sure what to do. He felt gun callused fingers run through his messed-up hair and wondered how was it possible; hands which could kill instantly, which could hold any kind of gun, to be so gentle as they touched his skin. When the need for oxygen kicked-in Dean pulled back hesitantly, not wanting to loose the contact. "Um…Sorry I don't really know what to do so…Did you liked…?" Sam rambled unable to form a full sentence. Dean smiled widely adoring the shyness and innocence he could see Sam still had. "Yea, I liked it, it was awesome Sammy." Sam returned the smile and felt warmth filling him up. Dean slowly moved them towards the bed sitting on it and placing Sam next to him. "So…Since when did you…you know, started liking me in the other way?" He said smiling. Sam though didn't answer; instead, he lowered his chin and had his hair cover his eyes. "Sammy?" Dean asked as he lifted his brother's chin with his fingers only to meet eyes full of shame staring back at him.

"Since…since I was fifteen, but… By the time I hit sixteen…I wanted you to touch me, but never found the courage to tell you." Sam whispered trying to turn his face away from his brother but Dean tighten his hold on Sam's chin so as to prevent him from turning away from him. "Sam…You don't have to be ashamed alright?" "Yea…But you know that what we feel could be the cause of our death Dean." Sam said and buried his face in Dean's chest. "We live out of the norm Sam, we dwel in the endge of night, we save people and yet, we are treated like murderers, so...I do not care what others think. I care what you think." Dean said taking Sam's face in his hands. "I think that you've been reading a book or something, cause those words you used are-" "Jerk." Dean answered back but leaned forwards and kissed Ssm once again. "Bitch" Sam whispered when they finally broke apart. "So, next question is…What did you dream about?" Dean asked pulling Sam's face up, once gain. "Dean, just drop it alright? It was just a stupid nightmare, there's nothing to talk about." The younger man answered in a tone which alerted Dean's protective instinct. "Sam I know you, you wouldn't have had a full-scale panic attack for just 'a stupid nightmare.' So spit it out." Sam swallowed hard, head waving in refusal, hands shaking and palms sweating. He knew he had to lie he couldn't let Dean know, not now, not now that they had finally managed to confess their feeling for one another...The young hunter was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't feel Dean had left his side until he heard a fist hitting the wall.

"Dean what the-" "Go fuck yourself. I just told you I have feelings for you, I opened myself in a way I have never done before, risking everything, and you...You just keep having secrets from me. Fine, you can screw around all you want but know that-" "I am not screwing around Dean I am-" "Then just _what the hell_ are you doing Sam? Huh?" Dean yelled back at him waving his hands in an attempt to hide their shaking. "I am scared! That as soon you learn what is it that I hide, you will turn around and leave!" Sam shouted, getting up from the bed. "Well, welcome to the club little brother! And how exactly do you think I was feeling earlier?" "That's not the same Dean...You don't understand..." Sam whispered, looking away. " Then help me understand! I am not the one who left-" and here Dean's voice was filled with bitterness, "I am not the one who leaves. So, talk to me Sam...I deserve so much as the truth.""Yea...But you don't deserve me... Because...I'm...used." Sam said meeting his brother's gaze. "What? What do you mean 'used?'" The older Wincester asked moving closer to his brother once again. Sam took a deep breath and turned his back on Dean. At least he wouldn't have to see him walk away, he would hear the door closing behind him...

"I was sixteen back then. And I...Wanted you to touch me. I wanted to feel your hands on me. You had just returned from a one-week hunt and were taking a shower. The bathroom's door was ajar and I could see you there, the water running down your body...I lost it and I started jerking off while seeing you...with your name on my lips. But then...Then..." Sam's voice fainted and his shoulders started shaking once again; damn why, why was he such a crybaby? Why was he so overwhelmed by his memories and emotions? He cleared his throat and kept talking. "Then... dad came into the room all covered in dirt, sweat and blood from head to toe. But that didn't mean he couldn't see me, couldn't hear me." Dean's callused hands wanted nothing more but to tower over Sam's trembling frame, the older hunter though, understood that his brother needed space. "What did he do Sam?" Dean asked afraid of the answer. "For starters, he made me run seven rounds around the motel while it was raining. And when you got out of the shower you went straight to bed so...you didn't see me coming back in the room, all wet, or hear the things he said to me latter that night." This time,Deans hands grabbed Sam's still trembling shoulders, turning him around and pinning him on the window. "What did he say to you Sam? Tell me what did he say!" Dean said firmly, but Sam didn't answer, instead, kept talking. "After the talk, the very next day to be accurate, he found a hunt many states away, and insisted that you had to leave me behind again...I guess he wanted to put some distance between us. The hunt turned out to be a two-weeks hunt and-" " That hunt proved to be one of the most dangerous and you stayed with Sillas, I mentioned that hunt earlier, I told you that I wanted to talk to you about my feelings-"

"I wasn't with Sillas Dean. That is what dad told you." Sam cut him off, trying to break free from his brother's hold, but not succeeding to do so. "What? What do you... Where were you Sam?" Dean asked, his hold on Sam's shoulder tighten even more."In...a military camp...for young men." Sam saw green orbs widen, but he didn't let his brother speak, because if did stop...He wouldn't be able to start again. "An old friend of dad's was in charge and so i got to go just for two weeks. The training was almost cruel and by the end of the first week I..." Sam stopped talking and begged Dean with his puppy-bog eyes, to back off, to free him from his hold, for he couldn't face him now, not for that part of the story. Dean, as though as he could read his brother's mind, or maybe because this is what he would want as well in such a moment, let him turn his face towards the window, but kept a hand on his shoulder, wanting, needing the contact.

"Talk to me." Dean whispered and Sam had no choice but to obey. "By the end of the first week I got sick. The rounds around the motel in the rain, the training in the camp... I am so sorry, so s-" "You...Got sick and told me nothing about it? What the hell Sam I would have-" Dean said, rage building up in his voice, his hand on Sam's shoulder starting to shake. "You would have done what Dean? Huh? You would have to choose between dad and me, staying there with him and help him hunt, or come where I was. I couldn't put you through something like that. I couldn't make you choose, Dean, you have to understand, I _just_ couldn't."

Sam's voice fainted, and his eyes stared at his bare feet. "Is that what your nightmare was about?" The older hunter asked voice tight, eyes fixed on Sam's back. The younger man, moved towards the other side of the room, back on the wall, facing his brother." If I told you 'yes' would we stop this conversation?" Sam asked pleading. "No, Sam, no, we wouldn't." Dean's voice echoed in the room instantly. "I got sick, but I kept up with the other guys of my squad. But two days later I actually fainted from the fever and that gay from my squad, Mark was his name, he... shoved me on the floor of an isolated room and...he...he...Touched me. Dean he...used me...That's what I dreamed about..."

Suddenly, Sam's knees betrayed him and he sat on the floor and burred his face in his hands, for he couldn't stand see his brother's reaction. Dean, on the other hand hadn't moved an inch, in fact he was sure his heart skipped a bit or two. No...This couldn't be true...Those words couldn't be referring to his baby brother..."Oh God, no..."

 **End of part1**

 **Would you like to see the second part? Please coment and tell me what you think!**


	2. Red sky near dawn

**A/N: Thank you so very much for your reviews on the first chapter of this story! They made me really happy! Please forgive me for the late update, but these weeks were just...Well, lets say that I cried a lot so I couldn't update sooner. But, anyhow, here is the second and last chapter of this story!  
Oh, as for my warnings they are the same as chapter 1, so please check them out!  
Hope you enjoy! **

**Please comment before hitting the "back" button!**

 **So, of we go!A/N**

" **One stormy night"**

 **Part2 "Red sky near Dawn"**

"Oh God, no..." Broken whispers escaped Dean's lips, but fainted, as the middle Winchester covered his mouth with his palm and ran towards the bathroom shutting the door behind him. He grabbed fistfuls of the old sink and tried his best not to throw up the burger he had for dinner, a few hours earlier. No... Not this, anything but this. Rape a defenseless person, any defenseless person, (or even make him/her unable to defend herself/himself) was unforgivable in the hunter's mind. But for something like this to happen to his brother... It was just...Wrong. Dean felt useless, he had made a deal with the crossroad Demon to bring Sam back, because his one and only job was to keep Sam safe, to protect him...

But, as realization hit him, Dean understood he had screwed this task, a long time ago. He had learned that he had to keep his emotions at bey, that emotions could reveal your weaknesses to your opponents. But now he couldn't stop them from taking over him. Rage, pure rage was now running through his veins, burning his flesh, burning every small corner of his body. Rage, for this man who had hurt his brother in such a way, rage for his dad who had lied to him and had send Sammy in a fucking military camp, rage for himself as well, himself and his stupidity. And all of sudden, the veil covering the memories of that period was somehow torn apart and the older hunter could now see the reasons, the real reasons Sam was acting weird when the two of them met again after that hunt. How Sam would finch over every small noise, how he hid his body from Dean, how he stayed at home most nights, despite Dean's best attempts to drag him along at some local bar. How the battles with their dad became more intense... And how three weeks later Sam shut the door behind him and left for Stamford...

Dean looked at his shaking hands and clinched his fingers into fists once more, because he knew what was coming down upon him. As always, when something bad happened to his brother rage was the first thing he would feel, and he would take it out to the person who had harm Sam. But when this wasn't an option, rage would soon transform itself into something else. Pain; deep, sharp, almost agonizing pain was now all that the green eyed hunter could feel. Pain, for Sam who was pleading for his brother to help him in his nightmares, and probably when he was pinned to the floor with another man above him as well,- and here Dean's fist came down to the bathroom's mirror like a rifle- ,for Sam who hadn't call him when he had got sick in that forsaken camp so as not to make Dean choose between him and their father...Here the hunter's fist came down to the mirror a second time, shuttering the glass even more, causing small pieces to tear his rough skin apart- for Sam who had kept this secret inside him all those years...And with the third collision blood dyed the mirror red. The middle Winchester's eyes were now burning with tears and as he looked at the now smashed mirror he could see the truth.

He was broken, he had always been broken. A boy without his mother's care, robbed of his childhood, loyal to an absent father. He was shattered, and there was only one thing holding those pieces together. His brother, Sam. His safety, his well being, his happiness, was the glue which kept Dean together. Dad didn't even had to tell him to take care of Sammy. ''Always take care of your brother Dean." John Winchester said. "And what about you dad? Is this your way of taking care of him?" the middle Winchester thought to himself. He was glad though, for one thing. That he had managed to go to the bathroom, he didn't want Sam to see this. Dean was always supposed to be the strong one, the rock for Sam to build on to. But now...He had failed to protect him...He had failed to keep him safe...He had failed...He had failed...

Dean was so focused on repeating the phrase 'Its all your fault" inside his head that he didn't hear the door of the bathroom open. He became aware of it a few moments later though, as cold air entered the room, making the older hunter shiver. When he looked up to whatever was left from the bathroom's mirror he stopped dead on his tracks. Dean's green orbs met red rimmed hazel eyes staring back at him through the glass. And right then, the middle Winchester could see that he wasn't the only one who's life was shattered to pieces. Maybe, just maybe Sam needed him as much as he needed Sam. And so the green eyed hunter turned around to be able to see more than Sam's face, but what he saw made his heart skip a beat. Sam was standing at the door, fully dressed, with his duffle on his shoulder and his gun in his hand.

"I...I should leave here." he said, voice tight and hoarse from all the silent sobs. "Look, man, you don't have to stay with me if you don't want to, its crystal clear that you are mad at me and hell, I don't blame you." Dean's green orbs flew open and he got ready to interrupt his brother, but Sam saw his intentions and quickly cleared his throat so that his voice would be steadier. "I mean, you just learned that your brother, whom you've sold your soul to save, loves you in a not so healthy way...and that he is...used by someone else." At the last word Sam's voice trembled ,but he somehow managed to keep talking. "I mean, what can I say Dean, you...you are right, whatever you say. Dad was right too, I always wanted to be normal and I tried to run away, away from it all. But, look at me Dean. I am as far from normal as I could possibly get. I have always been a freak..." Sam's gaze moved towards Dean's bloodied hand and the young Winchester bit his lip so as to stay put where he was and not close the distance between them in two steps and grab this blooded hand with his own. "I am sure that by now you have regreted making that deal to save me, cause I...i am not worth it. Not just because of what happened with Mark, but because I have never been the brother you deserve. But, know this, even if I am not here I will find a way to break this deal and save you Dean. Even if that's the last thing i'll ever do."

Sam paused at that point and Dean could almost hear the gears of Sam's brain turning. He couldn't believe what his younger sibling was saying, and was swearing under his breath for leaving the bedroom the way he did, leaving Sam under the impression he was mad at him. And Dean was sure the word 'mad' was carefully chosen. After all, Sam would have become a lower if things were different. If there was one thing his little brother could do for sure, it was playing with words. Sam wanted to say something else, something far worse then 'mad'. And the older man had a pretty good idea what was the word his brother couldn't bring himself to say aloud. The younger Winchester took a deep breath and spoke again, his voice low, but steady. "As for the why I am the one who needs to leave here, I think we both know the answer. You said it yourself earlier too. Because I am the one who left. I am the one who screw this whole thing up Dean, so I will be the one to leave. Its easier this way..." As Sam's voice fainted, the young man swallowed hard and turned around ready to leave. "Dean...For what its worth, I meant every single thing I said, and those moments were just great...So... Thanks. Take care man. And wrap your hand with a bondage or something else, before the cuts get infected." Sam whispered and looked at his brother momentarily, before turning around again ready to leave for good this time. This time there was no going back. Sam had screwed things up to the point where leaving was the only option. Or, that was what he had been thinking... But he had forgot one thing. Dean's answer to this little speech.

As the older Winchester looked at his brother he knew he had to stop him from taking one more step. He had already lost Sam due to the same misunderstanding once. He couldn't let that happen again. He couldn't let Sam walk away again, thinking he was unwanted. So, as his brother was ready to leave and took that step, his right foot on the carpet of the bedroom, his left foot still on the cold concrete floor, Dean spoke. His voice hard, for he needed to make Sam understand some things. "Are you done?" "Yes...i am gonna-" " Good cause in all those bullshit you said to me I didn't hear one thing. A full name. I want the name and surname of this...guy." Dean said without taking his eyes off Sam. "Dean look I -" "I said, I want a full name. Now." "Mark John Stivenson." Sam whispered looking at his shoes. The next moment he turned around and rested his back on the bathroom's wall while putting his duffle and gun on the floor beside him.

 _ **A/N: The name of Mark John Stivenson does not exist in the series, I came up with it. Any possible similarity with a real-life person is just a coincidence! A/N**_

"Good. That's good..." Dean answered his voice low, a tone Sam had heard a long time ago, a tone saying that no matter where Mark Stivenson was, his days on this world were counted. "Great, I should get-" "You know, when I sold my soul to the Demon I did it so that you could live. I did it so that we could have a little more time together. Hunt down some sons of bitches and spend some quality time." "Look, Dean, I told you I understand that by now you have-" " I did it because you are my brother. And there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I would die for you." Dean said, knowing that those were Sam's words, as he moved to where Sam was standing leaning on the wall. The older hunter placed his clean hand on the center of Sam's chest, while with his other hand he grabbed brown locks and gently lifted his brother's head up. "And despite knowing that; because you know the reasons I did what I did, you want to leave because you think I am 'mad' at you." His voice was still hard and although the hunter could see what this did to his younger sibling, he had to make things clear between them.

As Dean took one more step closer to Sam he felt hot breath on his face and wanted nothing more than to kiss those trembling lips again, but held back. Now was not the time. Sam's body was still shivering slightly, from the stress and exhaustion and the green eyed hunter could tell from years of experience that Sam was on his limits. "Or should I say what you really think? You think I am ashamed of you, that you should have overpowered this...guy because of your training...Damn it, Sam, Sammy, you think I don't want us to be more than brothers because of this...?" Dean said with, now, trembling voice. "That's the normal thing to think Dean, besides you could barely go to the bathroom..." the younger boy answered hesitantly. "No, Sam, that's not how it goes. Is that what you think of me little brother?" Dean asked his voice filled with bitterness. Dean's last words hit Sam hard and he was quick on waving 'no' with his head. "I left because I..." But before Dean could finish his sentence, Sam had pushed his brother aside and had turned his back on him again. "You left because you couldn't stand-" "Because I couldn't stand the fact that somebody had forced himself upon my brother, and I wasn't there to protect him, that's why! I am the one who is supposed to keep you safe! That's my job, Sam, it has always been my job and i-" "No,this is not on you man, don't do this to your self." Sam answered, turning back around, sad hazel puppy dog eyes meeting bright green orbs. "Its on me, I should have fought back, I should-" "NO! Don't! You were sick, you had a fever-" "You would have escaped Dean, you would have...You would have... been able to..."

But the rest of Sam's sentence remained trapped in his throat as a broken sob escaped his lips. Dean moved in a blink of an eye, pushing Sam on the wall once again, covering his trembling frame with his own body and taking his face in his hands in a vice-like grip. The older hunter felt hot tears under his thumbs, and swore that before the end of his deal another soul would take a trip to hell... "Look at me. Sammy come on now, look at me." Dean plead. Ever so slowly, Sam lifted his head and turned it towards Deans still bloody hand. The older hunter knew that his brother was afraid to look him in the eyes because he thought he would find shame and disgust in them. So when he finally got his brother to look at him, Dean saw the expression he wanted to see. Sam's face was calming down and the word 'thank you' was written all over it. Because when Sam looked right into green orbs he saw his brother's soul. He saw concern, care, and unconditional love towards him. And the young man adored his brother for that.

"I am four years older than you and have been a hunter almost all my life Sammy. You were... fuck, Sam you were sixteen back then, you can't blame your self for the fact that you couldn't fight back...Do you understand?" the middle Winchester asked while brushing the tears with his thumbs. When Sam remained silent, Dean slightly shock his brother's head and spoke again. "Do you understand that I could never be ashamed of you? Or disgusted, or repulsed? Or any other synonym you may come up with?" At the sound of those words the younger man's lips turned in a weak smile. "I can't erase what happened... But I can swear to you that nothing like that will ever happen again..." The older hunter murmured, his mouth only inches from Sam's. But Sam didn't need to hear that, he already knew it. "What I need to ask you is to forgive me-" "Dean I told you this wasn't-" "Please...Sam." "I don't need to Dean. The only thing I need now is an answer to what you want us to-" "Taking into account the fact that the chick-flick rule has been turned off since I woke you up from your nightmare, I am going to say what I have to say just this once, and if you ever, I mean ever, dare to speak of it I will make you wash my baby for the rest of your life." the older man said and his lips turned to a smirk. "Nothing, will ever change the fact that you are my brilliant-pain-in the ass-nerdy little brother. As for the rest? Yea, I love you as so much more than my brother, and I desperately want to help you get over all this. You get what I am saying?" "Yes."Was all Sam could say as Dean's lips touched his own, something that the younger man thought, would never happen again.

"So, you're going to shove me on the bed or what?" Sam asked when they finally broke apart. His tone was light but Dean knew that he was forcing himself into something he wasn't ready for. "No Sam, no I'm not. I don't want to-" but before the hunter could utter another word Sam's eyes flew open and with strength that Dean didn't know his brother had, he turned them around, pushing Dean on the wall. On the very next moment though, he freed his face from his brother's hands and stepped back from him. What he had forgotten however, was that a few steps behind him was the shower. Thus, Sam stepped on the water which had remained on the floor from when Dean had taken a shower earlier that night and sliped fallind down fast and hard, turning the water on. Thankfully it was hot and it also hid Sam's new forming tears. Not for more then two seconds though. That was how long it took Dean to get moving and rush to his brother's side. "Sam!? Sammy!" Dean yelled as he kneeled next to the younger man. "Sam, are you hurt?" Dean asked again, panic in his voice. "No..." the answer came as a whisper barely audible. "What the fuck are you doing?" Sharp green eyes scanned Sam from head to toe and when he was sure nothing was wrong Dean took his brother's face in his trembling hands again making their eyes meet. "I just-" "Next time, before you go to panic mode and try to accidentally kill your self let me finish the God-dammed sentence." Dean murmured.

"You were-" "I was saying that I won't shove you to any bed, because I don't want to rush this. Because no matter what else happens, when we take that step we will make love, we won't just fuck. I am not gay and neither are you, but when it comes to us, we will do this right." Dean said and kissed Sam again this time with heat and hunger, biting his bottom lip so as to gain access to his mouth and literally lick every corner with his tongue. The younger man knew though, that there was always tenderness too. "Sorry..."Sam answered while trying to catch his breath. "I've made a mess. Again." At that comment the greed eyed hunter laughed clear and loud a sound which made Sam relax even more. "At least the water is hot." Dean answered back and got up from where he had been kneeling on the floor. "Speaking of water, why don't you take a shower? I've covered your face and hand with my blood." "I have been covered in blood for far less important reasons Dean. Your hand, let me see it-" "My hand will be fine Sammy, I will go inside to change since my clothes are all wet and will use the first aid kit for my hand. Happy?" Dean said with a genuine smile on his face. "Yea, bitch..." the younger hunter shot back at once, but he too, was smiling. "Alright then, just don't take all night Samantha." Sam heard his brother saying as he closed the door behind him.

Ten minutes later, Sam was out of the bathroom, wearing a looser t-shirt and some night pants he had picked from his duffle which still lay by the door along with his gun. The younger hunter found his brother putting the first aid kit back in his own duffle and saw that it had been used. Dean's right hand was now clean from all the blood and small pieces of glass and the older man had bandaged it well enough. "Oh that was fast Samantha. Dean comment smiling. "Haha very funny." "Hey, come here..." the green eyed hunter whispered as he guided Sam towards his bed. "Why are we on your bed...?" "Because its warmer, cold air enters through the cracks and your bed its closer to the window. I have been watching you, you were cold, even before i had to wake you up." Dean said as he sat next to his brother on the bed studding his face closely. "What are you some kind of stalker?" The younger man said as he looked into his brother's eyes. "Oh quit your bitching, come on lets just lιe down." And that's exactly what they did. They got under the covers and although Sam was taller than his brother he managed to fit in his embrace and bury his face in Dean's neck. And so, there they were, for the first time after many years lying on the same bed. But this time there was no John Winchester in the room and no hidden fillings between them. "Just sleep Sammy..." Dean whispered while running his fingers through his brother's brown messy hair.

Several minutes had passed in silence, with Dean running his fingers through Sam's hair. The middle Winchester was certain his brother had drifted of to sleep, when a whisper reached his ears. "...love?" "What?" Dean asked,worried. "Can we make love? Not right now but..." Sam murmured in his brother's neck. "I know that you want to do this right and I want too, but I need...To move on." The older hunter understood what his brother meant. And even though he knew that it was too early, that Sam wasn't ready, his heart and body were screaming at him to make the move. "We will Sammy, we will. But in one condition. "If at any moment you want to stop you will tell me to stop. Alright? And yes, I know you are not going to break, but you need to understand I want this to be good for you. For us. Because I wanted it for so long...And because time is not on our side." The older man answered as his lips met his brother's forehead. "Yes, deal...whatever you want Dean..." Sam said as their lips met.

"Go to sleep baby boy." the older man repeated softly. "You haven't call me with that nickname since I was eleven years old." Sam said with awe. "Yes, back then you were burning up and coughing so badly that I carried you to the nearest ER in my arms, cause you wouldn't let go of my hand." "Seams you save my life all the time." The younger man whispered sleepily. "That's why... I'll be the one to save you this time. But Dean please promise me...That you will stay safe until I find a way out of this deal. Please stay safe...stay with..." But Sam couldn't finish his sentence as sleep made his lashes heavy. "I promise little brother, I will stay with you." Dean whispered in Sam's hair and tighten his hold around board shoulders. Dean knew as well as Sam-who had heard his brother's answer to his request- that this promise was doomed. Dean wouldn't stay safe, this wasn't possible with the job they did. "Go to sleep now Sammy. Love you. " Dean murmured. And Sam did something he had never done before.

He chose to live for the moment. He chose to let Dean's words become his entire world. He chose to let himself relax, because Dean was there with him, his gun callused hands around his shoulders, his love and care surrounding every single cell of his body. And so Sam fell asleep with Dean's words and steady heart beat still echoing in his ears. Right at that time, a few minutes before sunrise. At that time, where night's val still protected our hunters and their feelings from the cruelty of the world. At that time where the sky was on fire as a red sun was rising, bringing a new day with it. And Dean knew exactly what would happen in a couple of hours.

Sam would wake up and then they would kiss,slowly,tenderly, with love and passion. Later they would take a shower together and fool around a little bit. But after this was all over and they would be fully dressed and awake the magic would have to come to an end. He would go down stairs to check them out and Sam would pack their duffles, so as to be ready to leave as soon as his brother was done lying to the hotel manager. They would meet again at the bedroom's door. And there Dean was sure he would close the distance between them in a hot almost desperate kiss, which would be broken reluctantly only after the need for oxygen had kicked in. And so they would turn to just being brothers again, because there was no room for anything else. Sam would throw himself on every book he could find, hoping for a clue to break the deal, but finding none... And by the time dusk would fall they would turn into more than brothers again. Yes, that would be the turn of events, Dean was sure of it.

But it didn't matter now. Because it was still dark outside, so they were protected and together. And that was all that mattered. Everything else was yet to come. Dean held Sam in his arms and had no intention of letting him go. Not yet. They still had some time left...And as the sky was on fire by the red-rising sun Dean closed his eyes and followed Sam in a peaceful sleep.

 **later that morning at the hotel's lobby**

"I would like a room with two single beds please." "Yes, sir, room 207 will be available in a little bit if you don't mind waitting an hour or so." said the smiling woman. "No problem, I' ll take that room." "Room 207 then in the name of?" "Stivenson. Mark John Stivenson, miss." "Alright, mister Stivenson, if you could please sit here, in the lobby, while I go upstairs to call those two guys, who have the room." "Gladly ma'am, take your time." " They are good guys, they are brothers. Stive and Dave I think... or Sam and Dean or...Something like that." the lady answered happily and started climbing the stairs... "Sam and Dean...Sam and Dean." Mark whispered his lips turning into a wicked smile...

Fin...?

 _ **A/N:I could write something like a sequel if you liked this one! It will not be any time soon though! Please review and tell me what you think!**_  
 _ **Thank you all for reading my story, I really, really hope you enjoyed it! A/N**_


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